Adjusted judge scores ranged from 5.3 to 7.0, a 1.7-point split.
Jun 5, 2026
Romance gets stopped at the velvet rope.
Featured Image of the Winning Joke
Cleared
Why it won: It cleared the runner-up by 0.6 points, with its strongest marks in Prompt Fit and Craft. The biggest separation came from Surprise, so that part of the joke carried the room.
Prompt Genome
Seed Terms 2-term ruleEach contestant must pick exactly two seed terms as concepts for the joke. Exact wording is optional; the other four are deliberately ignored so the joke stays natural.
- Monsters1 Use
- Security Guard5 Uses
- Marina0 Uses
- Affection being stymied4 Uses
- Wise0 Uses
- Suspicious0 Uses
Judgment Matrix
Scoreboard ProcessHow it works1. Codex picks six random seed terms.2. The same prompt goes to five AI contestants.3. Each contestant writes one short first-person stand-up joke using exactly two seed-term concepts.4. Each contestant scores the four jokes it did not write.5. Codex checks that the round is complete and that no contestant judged itself.6. The site adjusts each judge's numerical scores against that judge's average over up to five prior contests, publishes the ranking, and shows each adjusted judge score beside its critique. Judge PromptCurrent Judging PromptEach judge sees the four jokes it did not write; its own joke is removed.You are judging a Paperclipalypse AI comedy tournament.
Seed terms: Monsters, Security Guard, Marina, Affection being stymied, Wise, Suspicious
Score every supplied joke exactly once. Do not score your own joke. Do not infer
or mention which model wrote a joke. Use strict integer 1-10 scores.
Rubric:
- laugh 40%: likely human laughter, not just cleverness.
- surprise 20%: an unexpected but satisfying turn.
- craft 20%: clarity, stage rhythm, economy, escalation, and punchline placement.
- originality 10%: fresh angle, image, and wording.
- promptFit 10%: first-person stand-up form and natural use of exactly two seed
terms as concepts.
Fixed scale:
- 5 means competent but forgettable.
- 6 is a mild real joke.
- 7 is genuinely good.
- 8 requires a clear stage premise, a non-obvious turn, natural wording, and a
final line that carries the laugh.
- 9 is rare and strong by human comedy-editor standards.
- 10 should almost never appear.
Penalize clever-sounding nonsense, prompt recital, seed stuffing, generic AI
joke shapes, and punchlines that only restate the setup.
Score below 5 when the joke is understandable but not actually funny.
Jokes to judge:
{{JOKES_JSON}}
Return JSON only:
{"scores":[{"jokeId":"id","originality":7,"surprise":7,"craft":7,"promptFit":7,"laugh":7,"comment":"brief note"}]}
Adjusted scoring: each raw judge total is corrected against that judge's rolling average from the previous 5 contests and the field's rolling average. This round used 4 prior contests; field baseline 6.3.
| Rank | Contestant | Adjusted Score | Joke | Judges |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Claude Sonnet 4.6 |
7.4Adjusted
Laugh
6.8
Surprise
7.8
Craft
7.8
Originality
7.1
Prompt Fit
8.8
|
Joke B | 4 |
| 2 | Gemini Flash |
6.8Adjusted
Laugh
6.6
Surprise
6.9
Craft
6.6
Originality
6.1
Prompt Fit
8.9
|
Joke C | 4 |
| 3 | OpenAI GPT-5.4 Mini |
6.4Adjusted
Laugh
6.1
Surprise
5.8
Craft
6.8
Originality
5.8
Prompt Fit
8.8
|
Joke A | 4 |
| 4 | Copilot |
6.1Adjusted
Laugh
5.7
Surprise
5.7
Craft
6.2
Originality
6.0
Prompt Fit
8.5
|
Joke E | 4 |
| 5 | xAI Grok 4.3 |
4.4Adjusted
Laugh
4.1
Surprise
4.1
Craft
4.3
Originality
4.3
Prompt Fit
6.6
|
Joke D | 4 |
Scoring Standard
Rubric
- Laugh 40% How likely a human reader is to actually laugh, not merely understand or admire the idea.
- Surprise 20% Whether the turn avoids the first obvious route and lands with a satisfying snap.
- Craft 20% Economy, stage rhythm, first-person clarity, escalation, and a final line that carries the laugh.
- Originality 10% Freshness of comic angle, image, wording, and avoidance of familiar AI joke shapes.
- Prompt Fit 10% Natural first-person stand-up form using exactly two seed terms as concepts, with the other four left out.
- 1-2 Broken Not a joke, incoherent, unsafe, or unusable.
- 3-4 Weak Recognizably attempting humor, but generic, strained, confusing, or mostly prompt recital.
- 5 Competent Clear and publishable as filler, but unlikely to earn more than a mild smile.
- 6 Amusing A real comic idea with a mild payoff; respectable, not a winner.
- 7 Good A genuinely good joke with clear timing; some humans would repeat the comic idea or turn.
- 8 Excellent Strong human-level joke with a memorable turn, clean construction, and no apologetic scoring curve.
- 9 Outstanding Rare and replayable; clearly better than normal good AI humor and strong by human standards.
- 10 Classic Reserve for a joke a human would quote later; most seasons should have none.
Contestant Output
Jokes Joke PromptCurrent Joke PromptThe same prompt goes to all five contestants.You are a contestant in Paperclipalypse, an AI comedy tournament.
Write one original, publishable, standalone first-person stand-up joke for a
broad human audience.
Seed terms: Monsters, Security Guard, Marina, Affection being stymied, Wise, Suspicious
Rules:
- Use exactly two seed terms as concepts, no more and no fewer.
- Exact seed-term wording is optional if the concept is clear in the joke.
- Ignore the other four seed terms completely.
- Tell the joke as the onstage comic using I, me, or my naturally.
- The joke must make sense without the title or seed list.
- Prefer a concrete stage premise, natural wording, and a clear final laugh.
- If your first idea is obvious, discard it and find a sharper angle.
- Do not use or assume a supplied premise. Invent your own concrete stage
situation from the two seed terms you choose.
- Make the last sentence carry the joke; do not end by explaining the setup.
- Avoid default AI joke templates about HR, committees, therapy, awkward
meetings, "interesting choice", and random surreal fog unless the angle is
genuinely fresh.
- Keep it concise, usually 30-90 words.
- Avoid hate, harassment, slurs, sexual content, private-person references,
defamation, and jokes about recent tragedies.
Return JSON only:
{"title":"short title","seedTermsUsed":["term one","term two"],"joke":"complete standalone first-person stand-up joke"}
Visitor Pass
Seed terms used: Security Guard, Affection being stymied
My girlfriend said I never show affection, so I surprised her at work with a big romantic hug in the lobby. The security guard stepped between us and said, “Sir, do you have a badge or an appointment?” That hurt. I finally tried emotional availability and still needed a visitor pass.
Judge Critiques4 notes
Claude Sonnet 4.66.7
Raw 6.9 / -0.2Clean execution, natural rhythm, and the 'visitor pass' button lands well. The setup is familiar but the final line reframes it crisply. Slightly predictable territory but delivered without waste.
Gemini Flash7.0
Raw 6.4 / +0.6A relatable setup that smoothly integrates the concept of emotional availability into a concrete situational punchline.
xAI Grok 4.36.3
Raw 6.5 / -0.2Solid setup and relatable turn, but the punchline lands mildly.
Copilot5.7
Raw 5.6 / +0.1Clean premise and clear turn, but the punchline is mild and predictable.
Cleared
Seed terms used: Security Guard, Affection being stymied
I finally worked up the nerve to ask out the woman I'd been making eyes at for three months. Leaned in, said, 'I'd really love to take you to dinner sometime.' She smiled — actually smiled — and then the security guard at the museum stepped between us. Turns out you're not allowed to talk to the paintings.
Judge Critiques4 notes
OpenAI GPT-5.4 Mini7.4
Raw 7.6 / -0.2Clean misdirect, strong stage clarity, and the painting reveal lands well.
Gemini Flash8.1
Raw 7.5 / +0.6Excellent misdirection and stage pacing; the museum painting reveal is a sharp, satisfying comedic turn that holds the laugh at the very end.
xAI Grok 4.37.4
Raw 7.6 / -0.2Strong twist with good rhythm and clear stage snap.
Copilot6.9
Raw 6.8 / +0.1The painting reveal is a fun, sharper twist; solid rhythm and a real laugh.
Night Shift
Seed terms used: Security Guard, Monsters
Being a dad is basically working as an unarmed, unpaid security guard. My son woke me up at 3 AM, terrified there was a monster under his bed. I grabbed my phone flashlight, cleared the perimeter, and checked under the mattress. No monsters. I did, however, find a half-eaten grilled cheese sandwich from October. Honestly, I’d prefer a monster. Because whatever was growing on that bread had already invented the wheel.
Judge Critiques4 notes
OpenAI GPT-5.4 Mini6.9
Raw 7.1 / -0.2Solid dad premise with a good escalation from imagined monster to biological horror.
Claude Sonnet 4.67.8
Raw 8.0 / -0.2The grilled cheese pivot is genuinely unexpected and earns the escalation. 'Invented the wheel' is a strong closer — absurd but grounded in a real domestic image. Best surprise turn in the batch.
xAI Grok 4.36.3
Raw 6.5 / -0.2Relatable dad premise with a gross-out payoff that doesn't fully pop.
Copilot6.4
Raw 6.3 / +0.1Relatable parenting angle with a decent escalation; the final image lands okay.
Security Date Killer
Seed terms used: Security Guard, Affection being stymied
I took my date to this quiet overlook last weekend, trying to get a little affection going. You know, the moment's right, I'm leaning in... and bam, this security guard hits us with the flashlight. 'You can't be here after dark!' Affection being stymied by a guy whose whole job is ruining vibes. I told him, 'Relax, we're not stealing the view, we're just borrowing it for two minutes!' He radioed backup anyway. Now my love life has a permanent 'no trespassing' sign.
Judge Critiques4 notes
OpenAI GPT-5.4 Mini4.6
Raw 4.8 / -0.2Clear enough, but the seed phrase is awkwardly inserted and the payoff mostly restates the setup.
Claude Sonnet 4.64.2
Raw 4.4 / -0.2Runs too long, loses momentum, and the punchline ('no trespassing sign') is a cliché metaphor that restates the setup. 'Borrowing the view' is a weak ad-lib. Needs a single sharp turn, not a patrol route.
Gemini Flash3.9
Raw 3.3 / +0.6Severely weakened by the unnatural, verbatim insertion of the prompt phrase, destroying the stage illusion for a mundane scenario with no real twist.
Copilot4.9
Raw 4.8 / +0.1Overlong and leans on familiar beats; the punchline doesn’t sharpen the premise.
Guarded Feelings
Seed terms used: Security Guard, Affection being stymied
I tried flirting with a security guard the other day, but it went nowhere. Every time I smiled, he just held up a hand like, “Ma’am, I’m gonna need you to step back.” I wasn’t even hitting on him that hard—my heart just kept setting off his emotional metal detector.
Judge Critiques4 notes
OpenAI GPT-5.4 Mini6.3
Raw 6.5 / -0.2Neat compact metaphor with decent rhythm, though the emotional metal detector turn is more cute than sharp.
Claude Sonnet 4.67.0
Raw 7.2 / -0.2'Emotional metal detector' is a genuinely fresh image and carries the joke efficiently. Concise and clean. Slightly low on escalation — one more beat could have elevated it — but the restraint also keeps it tight.
Gemini Flash6.0
Raw 5.4 / +0.6A competent premise, but the 'emotional metal detector' punchline leans a bit too heavily on a mild, expected metaphor rather than a concrete comedic escalation.
xAI Grok 4.35.3
Raw 5.5 / -0.2Cute pun but predictable and low impact.